


In my life I love you more

by makesometime



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Comfort, Episode Tag, Family Feels, Ghosts, Handholding, M/M, Oscar Wilde Is Fine (Rusty Quill Gaming), Siblings, Spoilers for episode 182
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28880412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesometime/pseuds/makesometime
Summary: Wilde receives a visitor in the Garden of Yerlik.
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 30
Kudos: 77





	In my life I love you more

**Author's Note:**

> Title from In My Life by the Beatles because I love that song and it's oddly fitting for this episode.

“Hey.”

Oscar looks down at the source of the voice, his hand fluttering anxiously at his side. He knows better than to reach out, but a part of him imagines differently, thinks that if he could just hold his hand out in that way he used to, she might catch it up and swing their arms and drag him in a merry dance…

“Wilde. What’s up?”

Zolf looks more concerned that he really should, all things considered. While Oscar recognises that his actions in the Garden thus far have been more than a touch worrying, Zolf looks grey in the face in a way Oscar’s not seen for nearly a year now, not since… well.

“Are _you_ alright Zolf?” He asks, reaching out his other hand to settle on Zolf’s shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Zolf pauses. Then the corners of his mouth flicker a little, nothing more. “Funny.”

Wilde smiles, feeling a laugh on the wind tickle the hair by his ear. “I thought so.”

“Feryn’s here.” Zolf says very quietly, and Oscar’s heart clenches a bit at the simple grief in those two words. “I don’t… I…”

Zolf falls silent, glances to one side and then sighs, his head hanging low, as if a weight has settled heavy on his shoulders. Oscar knows their story, their history. Is intimately familiar with Zolf’s guilt, and the steadfast way in which he refuses any sympathy, will barely even tolerate a suggestion that it wasn’t his fault.

“You look as though he’s castigating you.”

“No.” Zolf says, very quickly. “No. He’s… it feels reassuring. Like forgiveness.” He pauses, then sighs. “I don’t like it. I don’t deserve it. Not just like this.”

Oscar knows better than to deny it, even if he might take a more generous viewpoint of Zolf’s brother’s actions. It’s not his place to speak on the matter, so he keeps his hand where it rests and nods to the rest of the group a few paces ahead.

“We should keep up. It wouldn’t do for us to go missing together all tied up.” He grins. “What _would_ everyone say.”

“S’pose I bought that on myself.” Zolf says, smiling properly now, not at all concerned by the suggestion.

That makes a little flare of something interesting settle in Oscar’s mind. Zolf was extremely adept with the rope, after all. The knot he’s tied is intense and complicated. There’s no getting free, even if he wanted to—.

There’s another laugh, too close to his ear, from a voice that shouldn’t understand the source of his distractions. He smiles anyway.

“Who’s with you?” Zolf asks after a time, stilting, like he’s not quite sure of the question. “If you want to talk about it?”

As if emboldened by the recognition of her presence, Oscar finds himself surrounded instantly by the scents of wildflowers, the image of silhouettes against the setting summer sun, the rushing of water nearby. He feels the clover at his back and sees the clouds float lazily over the midday sun. He feels a burn setting in across the bridge of his pale Irish nose and his stomach muscles ache from laughing.

He hears a faint humming of their favourite hymn and he joins her in it, just for a moment, even as Zolf peers up at him curiously.

“You remember I told you of my sister?”

“Isola.” Zolf says, and some of the colour comes back to his cheeks with the smile that follows. “That’s lovely, Wilde. M’glad for you.”

“Thank you.” He says, giving into the urge to reach out his hand and swallowing a gasp at the tickle against his palm. “Thank you. It’s unexpected. I thought it might be… someone else. This feels easier to deal with. The time since I lost her makes it hurt less, like a reminiscence, like a blanket of familiarity.”

Zolf scoffs, kicking his toe at the layers of blue petals. “Yeah. Sure. Something like that.”

“Zolf…”

Oscar stiffens at the suddenly warm press of a real palm over his hand, mutely allows Zolf to pull it down and lace their fingers to hang between their bodies instead.

“You _do_ know how to hold ha—.”

“Don’t, or it won’t happen again.”

Oscar snickers, loud enough for Azu to look back and shoot them a big beaming grin, her eyes filled with unshed tears. They needed this. All of them. They needed this for what comes ahead. He just wishes Zolf could find some of the same peace in this moment too.

“Stay close to me in there.” Zolf says, nodding at the blighted area ahead. “Get the feeling we ain’t gonna have such accommodating companions.”

“Whatever you say, Zolf.”

Once upon a time, he might have said that to placate Zolf, to get the grumpy dwarf to just leave him be.

Once upon a time, Zolf would have given him a cool smile, and doubled down on keeping an eye on him.

Now, Oscar feels the ghost of a kiss on the rise of his cheek and squeezes Zolf’s hand tighter, feeling the dwarf respond in kind.

Yeah. They’ve got this.

**Author's Note:**

> (and then everything was fine and Wilde didn’t have any problems at all)


End file.
